Portrait I drew of the lovely Maggie Smith.
I am getting this framed and hung over my fireplace goddamn.
you’ve probably done it before
k—victoria asked about “non-ism” insults. I actually had a discussion about this with my brother a few days ago: Our favorite way to retain punch with insults while avoiding it becoming a slur toward an oppressed group is to simply stick to inanimate actions and objects (combined with appropriate vulgarities), or portmanteaus (or both!). If you think about it, you can come up with some fantastic ones that still get your point across without hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it:
- You are fuckawful. (See, it’s like “fuck off,” “awful,” and “offal” all at once!)
- What a shithat.
- You self-wallowing pissglob.
- Whose opinion are you borrowing, you actual farthammer?
- You complete shitastrophe.
My personal favorite is “turd-suckling chucklefuck.” Also, in general, I think “asshole” is safe (correct me if I’m wrong) because just about everybody has one.
We both agreed, too, that taking a (relatively speaking) inoffensive existing insult and just adding orders of magnitude improves the power. Instead of “fuck off,” try “fuck all the way off,” or “fuck completely off my planet and into the sun.” Instead of “eat me,” consider “let me get you a spoon so you can eat my entire ass.”
There’s no insult that can’t be improved by hyperbole! Hope this helps somebody.
[submitted by arcaneloquence]
….. You are my new favorite person.
okay but what if Steve didn’t know many slang terms for hetero sex because he hit puberty surrounded by queer culture and oKAY LOOK, FONDUE SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE SLANG FOR THAT SHIT. IT MADE SENSE TO HIM AT THE TIME. THE FUCK DID YOU WANT FROM HIM; HE KNOWS LIKE TWELVE DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY ‘BACK-ALLEY BLOWJOB’ BUT THAT SHIT ISN’T APPLICABLE HERE, IS IT
c’mon Steve she used to be a master spy, some things are just important
inspired by a wonderful tag on my hair swishing Nats (because yes I’m that creepy loser who reads every single tag none of you are safe from my prying eyes) —
which is of course based on this scene from the luminous, exuberant Brooklyn Nine-Nine
America for a Bisexual Cap
Today on medievalpoc we brainstormed historically accurate Asian women as Robin Hood in Medieval England, with possible Trotula the Medieval gynecologist as a Merry Woman, touched on 30 ways to become An Immortal from a non-Western perspective (including eating mermaid meat!), revisited the accurately diverse demographics of the Caribbean and possibilities thereof (including LGBT pirates), saw some average peasants of color from the Renaissance doing their peasant thing, learned about the legendary beauty of an enslaved man named Paul in Pre-Revolutionary France, attempted to clarify the sociopolitical nuances of terminology, religion and race in 16th century Spain and Portugal, and called out Gilgamesh for being a raging tryhard.
^ In one day. Which is kinda the point here-and why I can be pretty critical of how we see the same things over and over and over in Medieval style fantasy media.
No writer or creator is limited by history or “historical accuracy”.
Anything you can possibly imagine has a historical precedent.
I find that prospect absolutely thrilling, and I hope you do, too.
So it’s 3AM and It’s just occurred to me that the most telling scene in the entire Harry Potter franchise is the scene following the announcement of the participants of the Triwizard tournament.
When Harry’s name is pulled out of the cup, literally one of the first things he is asked is “did you ask an older boy to put your name in the cup for you?" or something to that effect, insinuating that, that was something nobody prepared for and that it was something that totally would have worked if anyone had been smart enough to figure it out.
However, in an earlier scene a student is turned into a hundred year old man when they try to artificially age themselves with a potion and put their name into the cup. Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student.
In other words, the wizards in Harry Potter’s world are so reliant on magic that it doesn’t occur to anyone save for people like Harry that asking for help is even an option in a given situation. This explains why wizards are so fucking ass-backwards at everything, they’re so confident that their magic is capable of doing everything for them that it has never occurred to fucking anyone that perhaps asking for help from the muggle world might be of some use.
Think about it, the wizarding world hasn’t changed in hundreds of years while in that same space of time the muggle world has figured out fucking space travel. I know it’s a cliché to say to say someone could have fucking shot Voldemort, but seriously, somebody totally fucking could have, he killed like 50 people, he was effectively a terrorist, if anyone in the wizarding world bothered to ask for help from the muggles instead of just telling them there was an invisible asshole flying around shooting death curses at everyone, they may have been able to help.
Pretty much the only reason Voldermort thinks he’s better than muggles is because he’s able to kill them with impunity using magic, something he’s only able to do so easily because muggles don’t understand what magic is. Voldemort is basically like a fucking disease, he’s an invisible, lurking entity preying on mankind from the shadows like a cowardly piece of shit. You know what else did that? Smallpox and we stomped that to death the second we understood it. That’s the difference between muggles and wizards, when muggles don’t understand something, they figure it out.
And here’s the kicker, the only reason muggles don’t understand magic at all is because the wizarding world deliberately withholds information about it. However, even if the wizarding world kept doing that, it’d only be a matter of time until a muggle figured out what magic was and how to stop or harness it because that’s what humanity does, it pushes past what we think is impossible to see what’s on the other side. We didn’t understand the sun as a species originally and now we use it to power satellites and smartphones.
The wizarding world isn’t a realm of infinite possibilities, it’s a universe of strict limitations where boundaries are never questioned. The muggle world is where the real magic happens. That’s why during the course of the Harry Potter books, which are set between 1991 and 1998, the muggle world (our world) discovered dark matter, cloned a sheep and invented fucking MP3s while the wizarding world were literally paying some dipshit to figure out what the purpose of a rubber duck was.
Wow, I really shouldn’t think about this stuff when it’s like 3AM, it gets kind of dark.