16,500 words. Anastasia AU. for gyzym, who convinced me to do this in the first place, and Nat, who is a horrible enabler. BLAME THEM FOR WHAT I HAVE WROUGHT.
In the spirit of the original, this a) does not actually make sense in a real-world way, and b) bears no real resemblance to any period of history, although it nominally takes place in the 1920s. WHATEVER. DO YOU CARE? I’M PRETTY SURE I DON’T CARE.
Warnings: this story features a Derek whose past with Kate Argent is, um, as nightmarish and abusive as you would expect, but who is suffering from amnesia. Seemingly inexplicable triggers and some weird dream sequences result.
Also, everything is terrible. Stiles is especially terrible. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS AWFUL. In a delicious way, I hope.
PART THE FIRST: IN WHICH OUR HERO MAKES THE ACQUAINTANCE OF YOUNG MEN OF CONSEQUENCE, AND AGREES TO PARTICIPATE IN A SCHEME.
“I mean, I don’t know,” Scott says dubiously, looking down at the faded, battered painting on the table. One side of the frame is missing. “It just, um. I mean, he’s pretty distinctive looking? Also, I’m not sure I’m a good enough liar to con the fucking Archduke of Russia.”
“Psh,” Stiles says, waving his hand dismissively. “As though we couldn’t find ten close approximations of this dude walking down the street in the next fifteen minutes.”
“Yeah,” Scott says, “I’m pretty sure we cannot do that.”
Fifteen minutes later, Stiles, looking hang-dog-ish, pulls his ratty scarf a little tighter and blows on his hands. “Okay,” he says. “So maybe – maybe – fifteen minutes was an exaggeration.”
“No shit,” Scott says, but his stomach sinks when he sees the light in Stiles’ eyes. He knows that look; it never means anything good.
“I’ve got it,” Stiles says, smiling like a lunatic. “Open auditions.”
“Fuck me,” Scott says, and resigns himself to his fate.
Reblogging for the night crowd!
a beautiful thing has happened here this day, y’all. a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Unpleasant circumstances forced Steve and Tony to share their body warmth.
god help me I love nerd!carlos so much and i’ve always headcanoned him as a snarky high school brainiac SO InitialA’s super fun fic, The Devil Made Me Do It, really hit every Carlos weakness I have.
you guys should go read it, it’s really cute and i love their take on Carlos so much i was inspired to make a comic out of my favorite bit in the fic.
BIG EMBARRASSING H/D REC LIST BY SOMEONE WHO HAS VALIANTLY PRETENDED FOR YEARS NEVER TO HAVE BEEN CONSTANTLY READING H/D WHEN IN FACT
… SHE WAS
butter and pigtails is like the cutest goddamn fic about grouchy gay babies you will ever read
boys don’t cry au where lucius malfoy dies instead of sirius black but mostly what i care about is angry confused gay hookups
starts with a spin raunchy spin the bottle fic more like don’t ever even think about looking at me (i have never actually finished this bcs after some time they all start being like whoa are you evil though do you love me more than voldemort and guys i just can’t be here for that in spin the bottle fic)
lustre man i don’t even know but everyone’s really into draco’s snake i mean his literal snake & i love it (NO BESTIALITY I STG)
reparo the actual only year 8 fic you will ever need so good SO GOOD ugh my babies
red GAY BABIES AROUSED DURING QUIDDITCH JUST LEAVE ME HERE 5EVER
harry potter & the inconvenient condition vampire!harry horrifyingly wants to drink draco down & draco is horrifyingly into it & everyone else just spends 100% of their time being. horrified. including you. I’M SO SORRY.
the pure and simple truth everyone goes to a pub and talks about their shit and it’s literally the best thing that’s ever happened to anyone— i would super rec this one to anyone interested in sociopolitical discussion of the wizarding world— even if makeouts are offscreen and i CAN’T. STAND. IT.
comfort food draco works in an ice cream shop and everyone’s a huge fucked up asshole but you know it works
here’s the pencil, make it work draco works in a coffee shop and harry’s GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS, shit is harry even straight shit (EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT H/D)
going commando - one of my fav chulu fics i’ve probably recced it to you before but I DON’T CARE
helloooo, nurse! - jim is a male nurse on the enterprise and an expert on vulcan biology SO YEAH
the marrying kind - kirk/spock PRETENDING TO BE MARRIED MY FAVORITE THING
liberties - i’m SURE i’ve recced this to you before but it’s my favorite so i need to make sure you read it
textual attraction - a wacky mixup where jim and spock wind up with each other’s phones
the sum of both of us - in progress, in the evacuation of tarsus iv, 9 year old jim crashlands on vulcan and amanda takes him in asldjfl;sjg
bulletproof - college au, steve develops a nasty case of the feelings for his fuckbuddy tony
sempahore - tonysteve asdlkfjlsjg
mr july - i will rec this literally forever, the avengers pose for a sexy calendar and tony fixates on steve as mr july with only the shield hiding his thunder
sex lies and newsprint - kind of vignettes and kind of not, tony and steve’s relationship as seen through the lens of the tabloids
why we should date - complete crack, steve misunderstands modern dating rules and makes a powerpoint for tony
every dong has its day - no seriously that’s the title, tony finds out steve has a small penis and unsuccessfully tries to be subtle in making steve feel better about it
but loving him is red - it’s possible you recced this one to me?? anyway the multiverse starts falling apart and steve and tony are the key to holding it together
exactly the way you like it - virgin steeeeeve
honey, i can see the stars - tony doesn’t know how to show affection and steve doesn’t know how to accept it
rom-commed by fate (or jarvis) - jarvis cockblocks tony repeatedly to trick him into having an actual relationship
the reason you ruminate the shadowy past - PRETEND BOYFRIENDS FOR THE PRESS
pictures of you - bucky/steve and a photo booth
the twice-told tale - AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH (the tonysteve fic on ao3 with the most kudos and it is SO WELL DESERVED it tore me apart and put me back together even better)
wanderer - tony is a sleepwalker and steve is an indulgent man
ready fire aim - basically required reading??? gyzym and tonysteve what do you want
dilf - the most domestic sterek fic in existence
i flatly refuse to call this the bend and snap - danny/stiles, danny is a yoga instructor and stiles is his high stress client
i also have dozens of destiels bookmarked but it’s been years since i’ve read them so hopefully this is enough for you!!!
you know that thing about how we’ve all become experts at mastering our physical reactions to reading porn in public but when something cute happens in fic it’s like you dropped a dozen puppies in our lap and we literally can’t control ourselves yeah this fic
hello hello could anyone recommend me some good f!hawke x anders fics please? no love triangles, no killing anders, preferably mage!hawke, preferably a bit blue because god damn it i’m an adult.
oh my gOSH thank you asdkfjs