Saying misandry isn’t bad or isn’t a problem is like saying that just because there are more red bricks than black bricks in the world, getting a black brick thrown at you won’t hurt.
No, that’s not even close to accurate. Your analogy is so far from making sense that it hurts. Here, I’ll fix it for you: Let’s say a man were throwing bricks at a woman’s head, all day, every day, for centuries. One day, one of the bricks hits her in the face so hard little bits of it break off and end up in her mouth, and she spits one of those tiny little bits in the general direction of the man. And then he cries like a little baby, saying that her little brick spittle that didn’t even touch him was every bit as harmful as the millions of bricks he’s been throwing since the dawn of time. And then every time she tried to complain about all the bricks he throws at her, he brings up the one time she almost spit on him like it was just as bad or worse.
I believe that there are a small group of women who hate men just for being men. I believe that the textbook definition of the word misandry fits that description. I believe there are bad things that happen to men. I believe those issues should be addressed. I do not believe that a fringe group of women who hate men can be blamed for those issues.
Misandry was a dead word until recently. A group of men who feared the progress of feminism revived the word and used it to undercut the movement. They like having the power being a man provides and they don’t want to lose that. So they created a movement, found a bunch of legitimate issues that affect men, and tried to blame women for those issues. They called this misandry. It’s like conservatives using buzzwords like “death panels” to make people fear health care. They let people assume it meant Obama wanted to kill your grandma. They let their cute little phrase infect the minds of good people and convince them of falsehoods.
People are telling me that men cannot report rape without getting laughed at. They say this is misandry. It is the fault of women who hate men. But that just doesn’t make any sense to me. When I seek a logical explanation, it seems more likely that this is because men are supposed to be strong and women are supposed to be weak. And rape has been viewed as something that happens mostly to women. So if it does happen to a man, they must be weak. How did this idea of men=strong and women=weak start? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of misandry. It is an ancient patriarchy collapsing in on itself.
Feminism is about fighting inequality. It’s about erasing the strong/weak perception ingrained into our society. Misandry, as the term is often used today, is about trying to blame women for anything bad that happens to men.
If you want to fight to fix issues that affect men, go for it. But I would really consider distancing yourself from this term. It is used to evangelize folks into a movement that is very problematic. A group that can’t handle scrutiny of their comic books and video games, so they send death and rape threats. A group that calls women sluts and think they ask for rape if they show too much cleavage. Those are the people who coined this term, and you should want nothing to do with them or their language.
“It is an ancient patriarchy collapsing in on itself.”
So this MRA calls a domestic violence hotline pretending to be a man who’s being abused by his wife. He claims that the hotline refused to help him because he’s a man.
Actually, the counselor explained that he’d called a counseling line, not an actual shelter, but that she could connect him to a hotline for men that would give him and his young son a free hotel room. He refused and said that he wanted to call the police on his wife; the counselor offered to connect him directly to a police officer who specializes in domestic violence. He refused this too, and insisted that he wanted to be housed IN A SHELTER FOR BATTERED WOMEN SPECIFICALLY, even though he does not identify as a woman. The counselor continued to insist that he could get a free hotel stay if he let her connect him to the appropriate hotline. He kept refusing and finally ended the call without warning.
“Men’s rights” activism, folks.
What an asshole.
The whole “Men’s Rights” crowd would be hilarious, if they weren’t so goddamn infuriating.
The thing about MRA’s though is that they could actually be fighting for men’s rights and livliehoods that are challenged by patriarchy.
- They could help men of color who are hypermasculized while simultaneously being denied bodily autonomy through white supremacist heteropatriarchy, which inevitably leads to violence, poverty and exaggerated incarceration rates.
- They could help queer men by providing them with safe spaces nand campaigning against the societal violence (ie. disproportionate homelessness, harassment, assault, denial of housing, state rights as couples, etc.) they experience.
- They could stand in solidarity with the trans* men that are having their reproductive rights stripped because mainstream patriarchal cissexism doesn’t recognize ovaries as not being indicative of one’s gender identity.
- They could faciliate outreach programs to men who are sexually and physically abused, because again, the notion that men are strong, resilient and unable to be harmed is rooted in patriarchy.
There are a whole host of things MRA’s could be and aren’t doing, because of course these people don’t actually care about anyone or anything but themselves and stroking their inflated egos. That’s why MRA’s are a joke.
I’m a guy, and I need feminism. Not “men’s rights.” Feminism. Here is why.
Everything that MRAs talk about that men can’t do or are socially punished for arise directly and immediately from misogyny. Not “misandry.” Misogyny.
Whether I am expressing my emotions, playing with children, baking, having sex wherein I am penetrated in any way, wearing the wrong color, talking the wrong way, moving the wrong way, being sexually harassed/assaulted, or paying too little attention to looking like I’m not paying attention to how I look, when society punishes me or derides me or marginalizes me for these things, it is happening because they are things women, not men, are expected to do, and our society at large fucking hates women.
Has that sunk in yet?
Men, can you even think of a single goddamn way you have ever been mocked that wasn’t related to something that a misogynist society sees as feminizing? Even when large men are mocked for their bodies, they are referred to as having “man-boobs,” for fucks sake.
How do you expect to improve those things with “men’s rights?” What right are you fighting for? I can tell you what I think you’re fighting for. I think you’re fighting for the right to contain and control misogyny, and direct it back at women, where you think it belongs. You want to maintain your privilege but erase its consequences, and that’s why your movement is farcical; it’s a big fucking feedback loop. How do you expect men to be free from the peripheral effects of misogyny when you refuse to even fucking believe it’s real?
I’m not a misandrist, but let me put it this way: if a pencil has been in loads of pencil sharpeners, it’s probably a short pencil that wears out really quickly and should be thrown away! But if a pencil sharpener has sharpened lots of pencils, it must be a pretty good pencil sharpener.
A good way to break the ice is to show him that you two have things in common. If a random dude grabs your ass and tells you that he just couldn’t help himself, rip his eyes from their sockets to show him that you lack self-control sometimes as well.