'the next time you blow up a monastery, let me know you've left the premises, okay? i worry about you

help i am drowning in an ocean of steve cortez

5 minutes ago  +  3 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #leah plays mass effect  #i seriously need to make an mshep so i can romance him  #and so i can try to make an mshep who doesn't look like a space potato  #we shall see  #~~corshega on the horizon~~~

kaidan is definitely into orgasm denial, y/y

13 hours ago  +  10 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #mass effect ts  #kinks cw?  #nsfw text  #'hey kaidan let's go back to the normandy and have sex'  #'yeah sex sounds good BUT FIRST HOW ABOUT A THREE COURSE MEAL AND ELCOR HAMLET'  #narrows eyes  #y'all know that i have a complicated relationship with sex  #being that i am gray ace lmao  #but when i DO have it i am like INSTANT GRATIFICATION TURBO ORGASMS LET'S GET OUT OF HERE SO I CAN PLAY VIDEO GAMES ALREADY  #orgasm denial is totally foreign to me

when i was in college a comedy hypnotist came to campus to perform, and when he pointed out a bunch of volunteers in the audience to come to the stage, i went on stage even though he did NOT point at me. but i wasn’t missing this opportunity, and i’m a cool rulebreaker

it was really neat, some people sort of black out (for lack of a better term) when they get hypnotized but i was totally aware of everything i was doing. it was like being drunk, in that i knew i was acting ludicrously, but i was lucid in the back of my brain. sort of like being a passenger while someone else took the driver’s seat but still being able to see the road

like at one point he hypnotized us all into believing we were each holding an animal and we were going to put on a little animal circus. when he asked me what i was holding, i was like ‘IT’S A RAT NAMED SCABBERS.’ even though i hadn’t consciously said it, in the back of my mind i was like ‘lmao nice harry potter reference, i’m gonna have to tell jenny about that later’

so what i’m saying is hypnotism is cool, and i’m a doofus and a rebel

13 hours ago  +  18 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #he made me believe i was the president of my college and i was announcing a mandate that there would be no laughing allowed on campus  #so i like spiffed myself up and straightened my nonexistent blazer  #and in the middle of saying 'no laughing' i cracked the fuck up  #so i was like 'EXCEPT ME OBVIOUSLY. PERKS OF THE JOB'  #so if a man named frederick winters is ever like 'may i hypnotize you please for hilarity purposes' you say yes

i have too many bagels for someone who just had oral surgery :c

14 hours ago  +  6 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #food cw  #2 CHEWY 4 ME :(((

ps i am still super pressed about loki in young avengers saying that he’s tyrion and everyone just going with it bc he’s OBVIOUSLY LITTLEFINGER

17 hours ago  +  1 note
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #no self awareness  #and nobody else has any loki-awareness either  #ugh  #don't get me wrong tyrion and loki have 'being smug little shits' in common but  #manipulation is way more petyr's game i will brook no arguments

beahbeah:

there’s a glitch in the panera online ordering website listing the tuesday bakers’ dozen for zero dollars instead of seven dollars

i can’t even eat bagels for another day or two and they might just charge me anyway (bc well, they should) but DO I GO FOR THIS, DO I REACH FOR THE GOLDEN BAGEL

I’M CONFUSED BUT EXCITED

image

(the real food is for david)

17 hours ago  +  11 notes via )
tagged as:  #food cw  #danger thighs  #text post superstar

there’s a glitch in the panera online ordering website listing the tuesday bakers’ dozen for zero dollars instead of seven dollars

i can’t even eat bagels for another day or two and they might just charge me anyway (bc well, they should) but DO I GO FOR THIS, DO I REACH FOR THE GOLDEN BAGEL

18 hours ago  +  11 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #food cw  #i'm so torn

.

1 day ago  +  6 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #i know i talked shit about the painful deep cleaning but my teeth have NEVER been this clean you guys  #now if only i could open my jaw i could smile real big and show you  #booooo oral surgery soreness  #but real talk i expected to pay at least 700 for the crown but my dentist did some finagling with dental codes  #and which material he was going to use etc  #until it cost me zero clams i'm so happy

can lidocaine wearing off make you cry about how much kirk and spock love each other bc if not i am going to have to come to terms with the fact that this is just who i am as a person

1 day ago  +  5 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #text post superstar  #i'm not crying just from thinking the word t'hy'la YOU'RE crying just from thinking the word t'hy'la

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1 day ago  +  7 notes
tagged as:  #danger thighs  #dental stuff cw  #this is gross be warned  #text post superstar