UNIT 1: COLORS AND YOUR BASIC FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND THEM
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SECTION B: HUE, CONTRAST, THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, AND YOUR BASIC FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND THEM
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“Uh hello, pretty sure Finnick being ginger means he’s white.”
Now what we have here is a perfect example of the english language and your basic failure to understand it*. You are confusing bronze with copper, and surprisingly enough, these two colors are not the same!
This is copper:
This is bronze:
Copper:
Bronze:
As you can see, these two colors are not the same!
“Uh hello, pretty sure gold doesn’t mean black people, Finnick just has a tan, GOD!”
This is the color gold:
And this is the vanilla pudding pop who will be playing Finnick Odair:
So handsome.
Gold:
This douche:
brb, swooning
Gold:
Not gold:
Fig. 1: The color of beauty.
As you can see, these two colors are not the same!
“Uh hello, Finnick has like, GREEN EYES! Since when do black/brown/anyone but people of my race not have gross poopy brown ones?”
You may be surprised to learn that the answer is since PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS! In fact, Finnick’s eyes are constantly described as his most striking and easily identifiable feature! Now, here is what a brown person looks like with green eyes:
Unf.
Here is what green eyes look on a white person:
What green eyes?
Once again, brown person with green eyes:
Fig. 2: Striking.
White person with green eyes:
Fig. 3: Not striking.
Brown person:
White person:
As you can see, a white person with green eyes is not striking at all, and is in fact basically interchangeable with any other saltine!
“Uh god whatever, J-Law’s hair looks enough like Katniss’s! And since when does black hair make someone ethnic?”
You may be surprised to learn that the answer is since PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS!
This is what Jennifer Lawerence looks like as Katniss Everdeen:
This is a person with black hair:
J-Law:
A person whose hair is actually black:
BROWN HAIR:
BLACK HAIR:
As you can see, these two things are massively the fuck different!
“UUUUUUUUUGGGGH, just because the throat chomping psychopath is black doesn’t mean a character with more than one personality trait would ever not be white!”
You may be surprised to learn that you are completely talking out of your ass!
Katniss and Enobaria are canonically described as appearing to be of the same ethnic make-up with the only obvious difference being eye color.
This is a picture of me:
This is a picture of an absolutely perfect specimen of humanity:
This is what two people who appear to be of the same ethnic make-up, with the only obvious difference being eye color, look like.
That and Jesse Williams being a total fucking dimepiece.
This is a white person and a black person:
Two brown people with different eye colors:
And objective levels of attractiveness.
A white person and a black person:
As you can see, you are an utter dipshit of mythical proportions if you cannot determine the difference between these two things!
Let’s review what we’ve learned today:
- Colors that are different from other colors are not the same as the colors that they are different from.
- There is nothing remarkable or interesting about a white person having eyes in color that it is not remarkable or interesting for a white person to have.**
- Black and brown are actually not the same color.
- White people and black people are actually not the same thing.
- You have no idea what you are even talking about.
- Shut up.
Hopefully this has served to aid you in the acquisition of basic logistical skills, but should you still find yourself wetting the keyboard with your bitter, salty white tears, please see me after class for Unit 2 of this lesson, GENETICS AND YOUR BASIC FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND THEM.
Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
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* See also:Genetics and Your Basic Failure to Understand Them.
**See also: Every eye color.
